Beloved, you are whom I always yearned
for; knowledge lost to me when still in youth.
My infant heart had not learned to discern
that it would only burn to know the truth
of your exalted light. I did not spurn
fine comforts churned by greedy tongue and tooth
but took delight in them, so did not earn
an entrance to your spiritual booth.
I had not seen the transience of things
nor realized the only goal of worth
is found not laced by sudden sorrow's stings
in recipe with fleeting fits of mirth,
but rather soars beyond the realm of kings
and characters that live upon this earth.
But then I'd hearkened to the note that sings
the reason we are given wings of birth.
Awakening unfurled, by active grace,
to prompt a search for this soul's sacred space.
II)
To prompt a search for this soul's sacred space,
my psyche had to undergo a shift,
and invite you, Beloved, as my base.
I set my preconceptions fast adrift
upon the river's rapid current's pace;
it carried them away, and caused a rift
in consciousness that soon revealed your face
inside my heart--while ego became miffed.
For ego doesn't comprehend the maze
created deftly to dismantle all
resistance to surrendering the haze
of fallacy, and its delusional
assumption we control the inner blaze.
Endeavoring to extradite the ball--
I grew amazed by your ingenious plays
that seed the truth we need to heed the call.
This humble feast of spirit makes me blessed
With urge to soon embark on holy quest.
III)
With urge to soon embark on holy quest
ascending to the peak of spirit's verge,
I journeyed forth with breast full-brim with zest
and faith you'd fill my tanks to fullest surge.
Prepared for tests that might make me oppressed,
I guessed I would eventually emerge
inside the glow of sacred love, possessed
of mind made pure and free by this deep purge.
At first my path was strewn with bits of bliss
and kissed with rapture in your radiance.
I wondered if the hard road had been missed--
or would there be a change in gradients?
I sensed the path might well encounter twists;
made efforts so as not to become tense
with apprehension when I entered mists
of pain. I knew I would gain recompense!
So onward I proceeded, riding high,
surrendering all thoughts of how or why.
IV)
Surrendering all thoughts of how or why,
I trusted you would guide me all the way
through desperation dark in inky sky,
to transformation's sigh at break of day.
I'd not known you'd allow my mind to fry
in moments of confusion, though I'd pray
for sustenance, but you would let me die
and cry until my tears had dried away.
I sometimes grasped that all the work performed
was orchestrated for my benefit,
including when by slander I was scorned
and blamed for acts that I did not commit.
With noble aspirations I conformed,
though you kept placing heart inside a pit.
I mourned not, as illusions, once adorned,
were smashed by your hard hammer, bit by bit.
Like gold and silver purified by fire,
you placed this soul on gracious funeral pyre.
v)
You placed this soul on gracious funeral pyre
where old wounds burn away and form melts down
so clarity could shine through stayed desire
and tranquil smile replaces fretful frown.
Like sculptor wielding chisel without tire,
you chipped until huge burdens had all flown;
then tweaked my consciousness with perfect pliers--
and laughed to see how grateful I had grown.
One day you sent me out into the field
of life to be your humble instrument
and gently visit those who could not yield
despair, intent to help them be content
and trust eternal light shall be revealed.
For loss and sorrow serve as complement
to joy. The soul's complaints are only healed
when we accept that all is heaven sent.
I see, now that you've made my heart so tender,
serenity comes only with surrender.
VI)
Serenity comes only with surrender,
and trust that all is ultimately one.
Duality is merely a pretender,
and God plays on this stage to have some fun.
Illusion is composed of form and gender;
of planets, moon and stars, and blazing sun.
But death compiles us all inside a blender--
when atoms merge, apparent form's undone.
Though sure of this, I sometimes still forget.
And then you're there to pull the veils aside,
remind me not to lose sight nor to let
my focus on pure consciousness to slide
away and hide the truth that's firmly set
(yet can be falsified by stubborn tide
when mind is caught in habit's sticky net,
aligned with sadness, anger, greed or pride.)
If I did not have you, Beloved Master,
this life might have resulted in disaster!
VII)
This life might have resulted in disaster
if mind had wandered from the golden goal.
But you are there, available to plaster
the cracks along this path to super-soul.
I used to think I wanted to go faster
but now I have contentment in my bowl,
in faith that you're a competent forecaster,
so none of us will end up as a troll!
Deep gratitude to you cannot be told
except by tears occasionally wept,
and ever-glowing confidence that's bold
because I work for you, a true Adept.
I trust you to perfect the inner mold
in time, when all mind-corridors are swept
completely clean of karma, black or gold,
so lastly pristine consciousness is kept.
Although your methods can seem rather stern,
Beloved, you are whom I always yearned.
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