Self Improvement New Year New Me
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4.0 |
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4.6 (1) |
I've tried before and failed
I shall not fail again
For with every lesson learned
I'm closer to the end
Dusting off my tattered ego
I'll set my sights much higher
and chance yet another attempt
Hoping once again to inspire
thanks Integrity for the great review-and help-Di
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Reviewed by Integrity
This has an inspirational, elevating theme, but could use more "juice' for impact-ability. In other words, it is VERY GENERAL and would grab the reader's attention more alertly if you ornament with some specific detail and original imagery or metaphor.
I like how you use assonance instead of rhyme.
Decent flow and presentation.
Still, it is not quite there yet---it can go even higher!
one spag nit-
I'll set my sites(sights) even higher
This conveys an optimistic and dedicated mood---well done!
Warmly,
rd
Reviewed by Yardle
Here's to a better year with those who spend
Nights working till the moon tucks in,
And I'm behind you, 100%
So don't slow down till the waters brew
and you feel the snows summer dew.
And please fledge on till
your dream reaches
then and now enjoy........... b
