Likened rose Hot

 
Likened rose
Editor rating
 
4.0 User rating
 
4.8 (1)

Poem inspired by a hybrid rose

Your soft spirit

Is likened to a rose

Sweet in scent,

Unique in color.

Your aura enhances

The garden of my life

I boast of your beauty

To all visitors

May they pass along

The place where you bloom

And be blessed.

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Written by :

Diny123
 

Editor reviews

 

Soft tender rose petal

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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful

A goodpoem, but has room for fine tuning.
I like the mood and imagery here, though I feel this poem could deliver even more subtle nuance and flavor ---a bit general and just slightly cliche (hard not to be when talking of a rose!)

Line by line critique--

Your soft spirit-- A nice, gentle opening.

Is likened to a rose-- Awkward phrasing--esp. using 'likened'

Sweet in scent,--This sounds good with two s sounds but the word IN could be trimmed

Unique in color.--The word IN does not add anything, so I would suggest trimming it.

Your aura enhances-- I love that you use aura, but would also love a qualifying word...like 'gentle aura', for example, to give more specific flavor.

The garden of my life--Nice, but slightly cliche.

I boast of your beauty--GREAT LINE---nicely alliterative.

To all visitors --(I'd put a line break here for pause effect, just a thought)

May they pass along --good

The place where you bloom--good, but could be better...more descriptive words and less filler words would enhance the impact and give more feeling.

And be blessed.---superb ending!

I recommend revision, trying to bring the experience of the rose more tangibly to the reader using descriptive phrasing to augment the mood.

Best wishes, rd

 
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Sweet

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0 of 0 people found the following review helpful

Loved the walk in your garden! Your imagery was right on as was the word choices. There might have been a beat skipped in reading in the center, so that is the reason behind the 4 rating yet I have no suggestions.

Yardle

 
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