Water Hot

 
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4.3 (2)
IMG_1241

Rose


petals

grow from buds


into flowers.


Plant


in ground


work with hands


water often.


Blooms


unfold


in summer


protect from cold.


Love
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Written by :

hager
 

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While I like where this poem is aiming, I honestly feel it needs work to reach that aim. Firstly, I stumbled on the idea of rose petals being planted---it is seeds that are planted. Also, buds have petal potential, but I would not call them petals before the bud blooms. I am not a scientist, but I did stumble on the imagery of your opening phrase.

I liked how it sounded read aloud, though!

This part is good, but I would suggest a few alterations.


Plant (seeds)
in ground
work with hands
water often.(line break)
Blooms
unfold
in summer(line break)
protect from (winter's)cold. (line break)
Love


The closing word is good. LOVE is the answer for everything!
Protect from cold is a nice thought, though it is non-sequential from unfolding blooms in summer, as summer is not cold. I think you need a transition phrase for that line to work well or perhaps add the word winter as noted above.

 
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This poem has deep meaning and a special fell all of its own.Keep up the great work and don't be so hard on yourself.

 
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Water

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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful

I seemed to like this little poem, my only correction I saw was in its structure at the top...

 
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